Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Purposefully Silent: A Blog Confession

Bless me fathers (and mothers), for I have sinned.  It's been three months since my last good blog confession...

Really though, I must come clean.

I've kept you at arm's length for a while now.  Purposefully.

For fear, uncertainty, or just not knowing how to say it, I haven't. Zip.  Nada.  Niente.  And I'm sorry!

Happy 70th Birthday, Pop Pop!

Silence is an uncharacteristic trait for me, but I'm a mother, and to protect comes first.  It comes natural really... 

So, pardon my hushed ways and let me fill you in.

But before I sock it to ya, enjoy a few carefree happenings of late.  
  • Aksel took his first plane ride this past weekend to celebrate his Pop Pop's surprise 70th birthday party.  (He was a gem!)
  • He also underwent a stylish (and tear-free) transformation last week when he got his second haircut.  See the first here.
  • And my little boy graduated to the next level at Little Gym. No longer a birdie, Aksel is now a beast.  (And we're so proud!)

Aksel enjoyed spending time with his cousins,
Caroline and Charlie, this past weekend. 

But now, the real deal.  What you've all been waiting for.  What I'll just say in terms plain and simple... Aksel may be autistic.

And I don't like the label, nor do I understand its meaning.  (If I'm being truthful.)  But there's something different about my boy...

He's wise and quiet, like an old winding river.  Curious 'bout things like wind in trees and screws-n-bolts.  Expressive but not talking.

So, we're testing.  And it's difficult.  But I'm thankful every minute! For Aksel, my husband and loved ones, my health and good fortune.

I just felt it time I share.  

PS - Is anyone else (with a young toddler) experiencing a similar situation?  If so, I'd love to hear your story.

PPS - Moving forward, I'll let you know how things progress.  So far, we've ruled out any audiology concerns.  

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  1. Thinking of you and will keep you in my prayers...

  2. I'm sure you are both scared of answers and yet craving them at the same time. I'll be thinking of you. <3

  3. Oh momma! I'm thinking of you & your family. This is a tough time for you all. I'll be praying for you!
    Fr: muddero7

  4. Thank you for sharing. I know that was hard, but also good for you. You are a brave woman! Whatever the outcome, you and your family will be strong!

  5. What a tough thing to go through. I have a good friend with an autistic son (and i'm sure she doesn't like the label either, or the word for that matter!), and he is doing beautifully. if that is the case there is a lot of info out there for you. very brave to confess, yet a good thing b/c now there are more people out there pulling for you all and especially Aksel. will be thinking about you throughout the testing........xo

  6. Ok I commented and i am not seeing it show up. I'll try again. if this posts i'll re-write what i wrote! ;-)

  7. I can always tell by your posts that you & Mark are such loving, amazing parents. Aksel is very fortunate to have you both, especially during these times of questions & uncertainty. I will keep your beautiful family in my thoughts. The Serenity Prayer always gives me strength. I say it every day. I hope it will do the same for you...
    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can & wisdom to know the difference.

  8. Good luck to you! My little boy just turned 2 and does not say a whole lot...very vocal, just not many words. He's incredibly smart and engaging. Our doctor has never suggested autism as a cause for his lagging verbal skills (though it's always in the back of my mind). I know how hard it is to feel like something's just not right, but not know what it is or how/if you can fix it. You're obviously a wonderful mother and whatever Aksel needs you will provide it. Rest assured in that knowledge!

  9. I love you Gill and I know you'll stand strong for your sweet bot no matter the outcome. In my heart and prayers always, Darla

  10. Good luck figuring everything out! I have Asperger's myself, a sort of variation of autism. They are a lot better about diagnosing these days. When I was a kid they just labeled me as having a general learning disorder.

  11. As a mama to a boy with high functioning autism let me just say this... a diagnosis will not change who your son is. He will always be the sweet little boy he is now. My son's autism doesn't define him any more than saying he has brown hair or hazel eyes does. It just helps to explain why he acts the way he does sometimes. Of course it took me awhile to get there. There are many support groups and many moms who understand exactly what you are going through. I hate to see my son struggle but I cannot image him being any other way. I learn from HIM every day!

  12. Hello Gillian,
    I was very sad to read your latest blog, I know you and Mark must be very concerned.
    After reading all of the above posts, there are some wonderfully written words of advice and support. I know you, you are a determined woman and if there is anything that can be done to make Aksel's life the fullest it can be, it will be done.
    However, just a word of encouragement, Aksel is a very reflective boy and maybe, just maybe he is waiting till the right moment to start speaking, sometimes listening is so much more important and wiser than talking. I often wish I listened more and spoke less, but as a mother I agree, we often worry and you are listening to your mother instinct. My thoughts are with you and I will keep my fingers crossed that this is just his way of taking his time to absorb all there is prior to talking.

    Lots of love! Lori


Thanks for taking time to share your thoughts. I love 'em all!

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