Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Living Life in 3D

I admit, I've been...[in a rut]...lately.

Really since Aksel's diagnosis, this past summer.

But it's time now for me to move forward and accept the challenge that is autism, to take active control of my health, both my physical and mental wellbeing, because life isn't easy under the best of circumstances.  And I want, in particular, to feel clear-minded, not weighted down with negativity or sadness.  I need to be confident ~ that much stronger for my child and his developmental differences. 

So, I choose to no longer feel:

Depressed.  Defeated.  Despondent.

I guess you could say I've been living life in 3D.  Which, as it turns out, is not all it's cracked up to be.  So, don't believe the hype!

(Or pay $16 for a ticket!)

But really, I'm making positive changes.


For my child.

Because I love him more than anything!  And, I want always to be his strongest advocate. 

Who knows, moving forward, he may need someone to speak for him, if he can not?

About 25% of people with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) could be considered nonverbal... 

And I want, unquestionably, to be that person, to be prepared to accept and face the challenges, however they unfold?


For my husband.

Because he's my partner, I love him, and we're going through this journey together.  It's not any easier pretending I'm alright. 

I want to be strong for him, too.  Truly strong.

And lastly, I'm making changes for myself...

Because, it's not selfish to want to be happy in my own skin, to no longer feel anxious or overwhelmed.

But with all this talk of change and resolution, I don't personally want, at this point in the process, to take a pill to solve my problems. And that's not saying I'm against medicinally treating my symptoms of depression or anxiety.  In fact, I took Lexapro for nearly a year after giving birth to Aksel.  But in some strange way, this circumstance, autism, translates differently in my mind to that of postpartum depression.  For instance, it's never going away.  My child will always be autistic, and I'll always be, as his parent, striving to cope with the effects.  So, I can't, or don't want, rather, to seek out a temporary fix for a lifelong challenge.  Instead, I want to delve deep and truly find my inner strength.

Organically.

Naturally.

So I'm choosing, at this stage in the game, exercise as an outlet to alleviate my stress, to help me better understand my emotions.

That, coupled with a healthy dose of writing, and a more concerted effort at communication (with my husband) should help to brighten my outlook.  (It has in past weeks.)  If though, I observe no real change of mood in say three months time, I will contact my doctor for alternative options.

I realize it's okay to feel weak.  I just don't want it, the negativity, to be all-consuming anymore.

I want to embrace the positive.  For example, Aksel now hugs!

PS - Many thanks for all of your reassuring, sweet comments. They've really helped in past weeks!  Much love to you and yours ~ XO!

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16 comments:

  1. Awesome picture of Aksel. Good for you for living the best life you can. xo

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  2. Exercise is a great outlet. Be strong and courageous - we're here for you.

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    1. Meg - Thank you for being so supportive recently! I've really needed the encouragement. (Even though I always think I'm capable of going it alone.) But really, you've made me feel like I'm not alone...

      A million thanks, and much love!

      Gillian.xo

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  3. Aww Gillian, I love your honesty and your heart! HE HUGS! HE HUGS! HE HUGS! Your glass is half full, half full,half full. At least I TRY to tell myself that. You have ME gleaming. Keep bright and light, because you are the window through which Aksel will see the world. Sending hugs your way!

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    1. Thank you, Michele, for this enthusiastic comment! I appreciate the 'half full' bit too, because I sometimes forget to view life from this perspective. It's nice to be reminded...

      I hope you, and your cute bunch, are doing well! Sending lots of love and HUGS!

      Gillian.xo

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  4. So glad to see your new post, Gillian. I am thinking about you since it's been sometime that I haven't seen new post from you. Glad to know how you are doing now and just want to give you a big hug!

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    1. I really appreciate your recent support, Precilla! And so you know, your thoughtful comments have truly helped to brighten my spirits in past weeks. So, thank you!

      I hope you and yours are doing well, too! Lots of love ~

      Gillian from Baby Talk without the Babble

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  5. Did you see 60 minutes last week? The boy was a savant...so brilliant and graduating college at 14...and half way through they revealed that he has autism. He reminded me of Aksel. This is so beautifully written...love ya!

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  6. What a beautiful post. Aksel will have a beautiful life because you've taken these steps to pursue a new perspective. Praying for great things to come.

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  7. I love this. He will have an amazing life because of his family.

    following from blog hop. Will be an AVID reader!

    http://www.chaoticcantrells.blogspot.com

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  8. Stopping by to say hi and see how you all are doing. Hope you will continue blogging.

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  9. Just thinking about you and want to see how you and your family doing lately.

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  10. Very well written. I have a daughter who is 21 months old and I cannot imagine the stress and heartache you went through with the diagnosis. But I am so glad to be able to obviously see this child has such loving devoted parents that will make sure he succeeds!
    -Pamela, InspiredbyFelicity.blogspot.com

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  11. I love your blog! Please follow back! I am currently offering a giveaway :)

    http://mybeautyboxes.blogspot.com

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  12. I love your blog and realized I hadn't received any updates from you recently.
    Just read this post and wanted you to know that I'm a teacher and I have several kids in my class - general ed - that are on the spectrum. They are successful, smart and yes a bit quirky but they are learning and a positive and contributing member to our classroom community. They have friends and they love school. Know that this can be the future of your kiddo too!

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  13. You are stronger than you think, and you will develop your skill for perseverance over time. It seems like a very tough situation to come to terms with, and just like in stages of grieving, you need time to adjust. Exercise is good, talking with family and friends, finding local autism resources, eating healthy are all good options. I wish you continued progress and much love in the future!

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Thanks for taking time to share your thoughts. I love 'em all!

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